feels like im in a race but i've already won first place

im in love with this song: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FF5Q1jr28PM
mostly just keri hilsons part but :)

i havent written anything in a while partly because ive been so caught up with everything going on (namely...trying to keep my grades up, applying for a teaching job in korea and of course the all consuming SPOP - while trying to juggle making the most of my time left with my friends in irvine and reaching out to my family AND staying away from the swine flu/being healthy in general.) but also partly because i just dont really know how i've been feeling lately

STRESS: there are times when im muddling through the rights and wrongs of each situation, walking the path of eggshells that comes with being a leader - trying to concretely comprehend what exactly being a good example is

LOVE: there are times when i hear these love songs and it really fills my heart with happiness because even though i'm not romantically invested in someone right now im just so freaking in love with life. im head over heels for my friends, family, God..

BLESSED: there are times when i seriously feel like i must be one of the luckiest people ever. this goes hand in hand with love but i just look at how amazingly blessed i am. i have such undescribly amazing people in my life (it literally brings me to tears when i think of how incredible they are)..i have been given so many amazing opportunities, one of those is being a SPOP staffer for a 2nd year and im so blessed to be able to have such a caring, open and genuine partner; blessed to be able to lead a spop family that is composed of such beautiful individuals (their sincerity in their stories, their real excitement, how accepting they are of one another and just how comfortable they are with being themselves); blessed to be a part of this awesome group of staffers who are going to make such an impact on this campus

SAD: there are times when i cant help but feel down. although i really feel like this is the most complete i've ever felt in my life (i feel like i can finally embrace all parts of who i am and everything that happened to get me here) there are still times i have awful boughts of sadness, insecurity and shame. i want so much to forget about him and sometimes i feel like i will be able to...i dont think i'll ever be okay with saying good bye to someone, it simply hurts too much

FRUSTRATION: there are times when i just dont understand how things can be this way. how can someone act like that? how can you say things and not mean them at all? how can people lie so easily? why do things have to be like this? why do i still want to give into you? why cant things be easy? why do i want things to be easy?

EXCITEMENT: graduation, korea, living up the last few weeks with the loves of my life, learning about people, come on who wouldnt be excited


Say you gotta take the good with the bad, happy and the sad
So will you bring a better future than I had in the past?
Cause I don't wanna make the same mistakes I did
I don't wanna fall back on my face again
I'll admit it, I was scared to answer love's call
And if it hits better make it worth the fall
When it comes around

Sometimes love comes around
And it knocks you down
Just get back up
When it knocks you down

Never thought i'd be in love like this :)